Hallo,
So lets talk about walk-a-bouts and how they are gonna be the death of me! You all know how I really work to maintain a super healthy lifestyle. I eat healthy, exercise regularly, I never have more than two beers, get plenty of rest, keep my stress level in check and maintain a healthy weight. In order to keep with the above theme, I have been walking everyday. I try to limit my walks to 4 miles or so on count of my hip and knees are failing me because everything above is a lie and I am about the fattest I have ever been.
To prep for the 4 mile walks I start with 10,000 mg of Turmeric, 800 mg of Advil, and 3 different kinds of THC lotions, oils and cream slathered from my ankles to my buttocks all which on a normal day helps me power through the excruciating pain on my path to a healthier weight. Today with a slight mis calculation on my part I walked 7 miles and about died doing it. It really wasn’t my fault I think the THC triple dose had me a bit light headed and I wasn’t able to make a proper decision.
A little back ground first. Lake Okeechobee is the 2nd largest lake that is contained entirely in the US. There is a 140 mile long levee around the lake to protect towns around it from flooding like happened twice in the 1920’s during hurricanes. There is a series of canals and locks also to help maintain a constant water level of 8-12 feet. The Okeechobee water way was opened in 1937. You can navigate across Florida in a power/sail boat from Ft Meyers to Stuart and save having to go around the lower tip of the state. On top of the levee is a paved walking/biking trail that runs all the way around the lake. This trail and the channels that run along it are the nemesis of our story.
So here is how it all went down. I walked down to the lake which I thought would be about ½ mile, it wasn’t it was a mile, first mistake. Right before the road goes over the dyke there is a bridge that crossed the canal. The bridge really didn’t register 2nd mistake. I explored the little parking area and fishing pier some and then thought I can walk along the hiking path and when I get tired I will cut over to the road and walk back. 3rd mistake. It seemed reasonable, right? I hate walking out and back on the same path. I like a circle cuz you see way more. So I hoofed it up the side of the levee to the trail and started down it. About a mile in I am coming up on a shelter type of thing and see the people in front of me stop to take a break before turning around and heading back the way we had just come from. I kept walking and slowly came to the realization that there is a channel between me and the road I was gonna walk back on. WELL SHIT. I really hate turning around! I check maps on my phone and see there is another bridge about a mile further up. Cool that is doable be more like 5 miles but I was pain free and lubed up! Mistake 4.
I was starting to hurt by the end of the 2nd mile on the trail, 3rd mile of the hike when I came to the bridge. But wait, about ¼ mile past the bridge was a lock… well I had to check that out. Mistake #5 or 6 maybe 7 not even sure. The lake is higher than the surrounding channels so there is a lock for boats to get from one to the other. I thought the trail went across the lock so it would be a really cool up close view and worth the extra steps. NOPE I came to locked gates. Well that sucks. I did watch a pontoon go through the lock not that you could see much cuz of the locked gates. BASTARDS!
So I back tracked to the bridge ignored the sign on the other side that said no trespassing and walked through the trailer park like I owned it out to the highway for a leisurely walk home with cars whizzing by cuz there are no sidewalks. I did have my will power tested along the way by a breakfast place but I held strong, Or it could be I was afraid to sit down because I wasn’t sure I could stand up again. I felt the same when I came the lowest bench in the history of man, who could possibly stand up from that without a crane to help them. The last test was the McDonald’s right outside the driveway into the RV park… that was when I hit mile 7 and got distracted with my own thoughts. I wonder if anyone ever committed suicide by walking?
Now I am not sure who did the math on this walk and thought it would be doable to walk to the next bridge but It was a 7 mile walk not 5. At mile 5 I started looking for an Uber, by mile 6 I was thinking of calling an ambulance, when I hit mile 7 and saw I had burned 1000 calories I realized I could drink a 12 pack of Miller Lite and they would be calorie free today. The thought of crawling back to the RV and cracking a cold one got me over the hump to home. It was the best beer I have had in a long time and I don’t care if it was only 8am on a Sunday morning. I think it may have been the first smart thing I have done today!
Love and Kisses…