Yee Haw Mother Fuckers.
Guess who went to a western dinner dance last night? Yep, we did. Now those of you that don’t know me won’t be reading this so I guess this is to remind you that do know me I am not a big fan of country music and well I can’t dance for shit as my favorite uncle, Paul, told Rachel one Halloween dance at Bimbos. He wasn’t lying I absolutely suck at dancing. I have zero ability to shake my booty to the beat of any song. So, I am sure you are asking yourselves why would a 45 year old male go to a country western dinner dance if he doesn’t like country music and cant dance…. Well I LOVE to eat, I am pretty damn good at it, and there is gonna be beer! So you-all quit your jawin and sit back and listen to this here tale.
Well now why am I telling you all this? What could the reason be that you need to know this? Where is the story? Well I’m-a fixing spin a yarn to splain it to yous. To go to a hoedown you need to look westernee. Rach said I needed an outfit for this here hooley so I went on a quest to find a cowperson hat and maybe some other duds. There is this here swap meet across the street from our little camping spot so I figures there has to be some duds there.
Now to call this a swap meet is a stretch. It is more like a garage sale. A really really big garage sale with all the same garage sale shit. I did make the mistake of telling one old feller that had 9 stalls full I says “you got yur-self a lot of shit here” he spit back “it aint shit its stuff” my reply was “well mister I guess that depends on if yurn a selling or a buying”. He went on to try and convince me he had $1,000,000 worth of “inventory” in his 9 stalls. His girlfriend normally helps him manage the 9 stalls but she weren’t there on-a-count of somehow her head got stuffed right up her backside and she can’t help until she pulls it out.
Now there is everything there from food to tires to clothes to tools to hitch’s I mean just about any kind of shit/stuff yern ever gonna need. I found some cowpoke hats but they was priced to high for a one night out fit. 50-80 greenbacks. Nope not gonna do that. I found a place with cheaper hats but even 20 smackeroos was more than I wanna spend on duds for one fancy pants dance.
I went home empty handed and just admitted I was wooped. Now Miss Rachel had other ideas. She marched my ass right back there and I was toted around like a little buckaroo trying to show her there wernt nothing there. Well I’ll be danged ifin she didn’t find us both cowperson hats for 6 smakers each and kerchief’s for a buck. She is way better at this shopping thing than I am. I have to much fun spinning yarns with the local cowpokes and not enough time paying tension to the task at hand. We had us outfits for this here shindig for 7 bucks each. We’s all dressed up fine. Ill tach some photos so you can see all them peoples “STUFF” and our fine looking duds.
At the dance we got our regalur table by the saloon but I have to say me and barkeep had a bit of a rowe. They was outa Miller Lite….about had to woop her but good till Miss Rachel jus suggested I go home and pack myself a cold box of beers and wander back once I had me a few to calm my britches down some.
All be told the music were tolerable, the food was right down tasty, an the beer was cold and cheap. My kinda hoedown.
